What happens when a Registered Nurse becomes the patient? Apparently, she starts from the beginning.
I HAVE THREE POSITIVE PREGNANCY TESTS. WHAT DO I DO NOW?
The fact that I’m a Registered Nurse went through the door.
The first question I asked ChatGPT was:
“I have three positive pregnancy tests. What do I do now?”
I went completely blank.
And honestly, that went for almost everything throughout my pregnancy.
Whenever I had a question, I researched it. I went through credible information only, tried to understand what I was reading and then took my questions to my doctor.
Most of the time, what my healthcare providers told me aligned with something I was already leaning towards based on my own research.
That made everything so much more comforting.
They are trained to give us the best options. I used my own training to analyse the information, did my research and then used my healthcare providers to confirm what I understood or fill in the blanks.
So, you could say I unintentionally put myself through pregnancy school.
My healthcare providers were my teachers and coaches.
PREGNANCY SCHOOL
Every single week, I researched some variation of the exact same statement:
“Using credible sources only in the OB-GYN field, tell me what to expect for me and for my baby at four weeks pregnant.”
Then the next week, I changed the number.
Five weeks.
Six weeks.
Seven weeks.
And I kept going.
I wanted to know everything about anything pertaining to pregnancy, labour, delivery, postpartum and the first year of life.
When should I stop sleeping on my belly or back?
How many pounds can I safely lift?
What do Braxton Hicks contractions feel like?
My baby hasn’t moved in eight hours while I’ve been busy. Is she asleep?
I never thought, I’m a Registered Nurse. I should know this.
I just needed to know.
Knowing what to expect week by week gave me a feeling of control and preparation. When things happened and they happened exactly as the research predicted, I knew they could be normal. I knew we were progressing.
No matter how much I read or experienced, though, none of it made the pregnancy feel completely real.
It still felt surreal.
But I carried my pregnancy for all 40 weeks and more.
I owe it all to God.
I WANTED TO KNOW THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY
Control during pregnancy meant knowing the good, the bad and the ugly.
I didn’t want to be caught off guard.
Research changed my lifestyle a bit.
But it also enabled my cravings. 😂
Burger King #3 combo.
Whopper. Bacon and cheese.
That was my go-to meal. I ate it almost every week of my pregnancy—sometimes once, sometimes twice every other day.
With a Coke.
But don’t worry, I did my research. 😂
I calculated my caffeine intake so I knew how much I could safely have, and I justified the burger because it covered the majority of the food groups.
Pregnancy school was clearly very convenient when I needed it to be.
Even when my research told me something was normal, though, sometimes I still ran it by my doctor.
I received the answers I needed from my research about 98% of the time.
The other 2%?
I clearly hadn’t researched enough.
Then my doctor knew the answer. Lol.
Because she is well researched.
THE INFORMED PATIENT
About 90% of the time, I already had an idea of what would happen at my appointments.
Sometimes my doctor had told me what to expect beforehand. Other times, I had already researched what typically happened during that particular week of pregnancy.
Yes, the research even told me what my doctor might suggest next.
Scans.
Blood tests.
Different assessments.
But because I understood the medical field, I never wanted to overwhelm my doctor with everything I had researched.
I usually came with two or three options.
I told her my concerns, explained what I had found, and we worked it out together until we settled on an option or treatment plan.
I wasn’t the overbearing knowledge junkie.
I was the informed patient.
And she loved me for it.
Not just her, but all my healthcare providers.
I tried to be the kind of patient I would want to encounter:
Informed. Pleasant. Joyful. Resilient. Always trying.
And that I did.
Dr Kiri-an Bridgewater Lyons holds a very special place in my heart.
I hope she knows that.
I give her her flowers.
SOMETIMES I JUST NEEDED CONFIRMATION
Whenever I had a concern, I exhausted the research for that moment.
Like the first time my baby didn’t move for hours.
I had been busy and active, and then I realised I hadn’t felt her.
Research mode activated.
After debating with ChatGPT, I learnt that my activity could have been soothing her and that babies in utero spend significant periods asleep.
And, of course, she moved again.
Obviously.
😂
But that was how I approached pregnancy.
Research.
Understand.
Then, when necessary, confirm with the professionals responsible for my care.
I didn’t diagnose and treat myself. I’ve actually found that a lot of healthcare professionals do.
I just tried to be the type of patient I wanted to encounter.
I encourage anybody, in any walk of life, to research for yourself and then go to your healthcare provider for confirmation or guidance.
Information is powerful.
But so is knowing what to do with it.
THEN THERE WAS THE VILLAGE
Here’s the funny thing.
What I read never really scared me.
The stories from the village did.
Did you know you could tear your clitoris while giving birth?
Or tear upwards instead of down?
These things horrified and haunted me.
I heard about labour lasting for days.
Epidurals failing.
Emergency C-sections.
Painful breastfeeding.
Postpartum depression.
Uncomfortable sex after birth.
Abdominal wall separation that doesn’t close.
And then there was the advice.
What I should eat.
What I should drink.
Don’t let night air catch me.
Don’t tie cords around the baby’s finger.
Don’t sleep with a Bible open at the baby’s head.
And the list went on and on.
Some stories were useful.
Some were simply based on preference, culture or personal values.
Whenever somebody told me another horror story, I remember wondering:
Why would you tell me that? Don’t you want me to have this baby?
😂
But for the most part, I think everybody had good intentions.
So I listened.
And I said thank you.
That didn’t mean I agreed.
It didn’t mean I was going to follow the advice.
Sometimes when I said thank you, what I really meant was:
Thank you for your intentions.
I didn’t need to shun anyone or hurt their feelings because I wasn’t going to follow their advice.
I could listen, appreciate where it came from, and still make an informed decision for myself.
WHEN THE DECISION WAS MINE
The epidural was one of those decisions.
My doctor discussed the pros and cons with me, and I considered those alongside what I had already researched.
For me, it came down to what mattered most in my own decision.
The major benefit I saw for myself was comfort. I also had concerns about possible effects and interventions associated with epidural analgesia.
So, for me, I decided to give up the comfort.
And that was it.
Someone else could receive the same information and make a completely different decision.
We all have our reasons.
That was one of the most valuable parts of being informed.
Information didn’t make the decision for me.
It helped me understand the decision I was making.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER MY WATER BREAKS?
At the end of pregnancy came labour.
And I approached labour the exact same way.
Every step:
What happens after my water breaks?
Then what?
And after that?
I wanted to know what happened next.
However!
THAT PART DID NOT HAPPEN THE WAY I EXPECTED.
For one, I expected an enema.
Instead, I had a very large, mixed, formed poop.
No enema required.
Thank God.
I was dreading the feeling.
I had only ever given enemas.
It sucks being the patient sometimes.
😂
Then active labour started.
And suddenly, all the knowledge I had accumulated to prepare for it went through the door.
I wasn’t thinking about research.
I wasn’t thinking about my phone.
I was focusing on not dying.
With every contraction, I could literally feel my body trying to get my baby out. I could feel it squeezing her little body down and out.
I felt like I was dying and being resurrected.
My contractions didn’t give me the kind of rest I expected.
The pain would go from what felt like 10/10 to 4/10, but it never completely disappeared. It never felt as though my body fully relaxed before another contraction came.
Everything progressed quickly and intensely.
There was no time to be using any phone.
After months of asking what happens next, I had finally reached the part where I simply had to experience what happened next.
PREGNANCY SCHOOL NEVER REALLY ENDED
Now that pregnancy has ended, I can safely say I don’t regret the way I researched.
All that research gave me the control I was looking for and needed.
I still do it today.
Not as obsessively because—
I’m tired. Lol.
But when I’m uncertain or I notice a new milestone, I research.
Pregnancy school taught me something I had heard many times before:
Every single pregnancy is different.
Except now, I actually understand what that means.
It also taught me the power of information and analysis.
You don’t have to know everything at once.
You can research as you go.
You can take it literally one week at a time.
I still believe:
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
But pregnancy taught me that planning doesn’t mean life will follow the plan.
I learnt that lesson very clearly.
For me, planning meant I had context when something happened.
I knew what questions to ask.
I knew when something aligned with what I had learnt and when I needed clarification.
And, most importantly, I had healthcare professionals I trusted to guide me through what I didn’t know.
Maybe that’s what I was really looking for every time I opened a search bar.
Not the ability to control what would happen.
The ability to understand what was happening.
QUESTION TO CARRY
When you don’t know what’s coming next, do you avoid the information—or do you learn everything you can so you feel prepared to face it?
And how do you know when information is helping you prepare, versus when you’re trying to control something that was never completely yours to control?
Until next Sunday,
Zu. 🤎
